Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Why I could never be a physician...
One of life's mysteries has been solved. Well, really only a life mystery to me and, honestly, not that much of a mystery since I never really thought about it until the last 5 days, but now I know why it was not in my life plan to become a physician.

I have the wrong name.

Yes. That's the reason.

It's not because organic chemistry would have been more aptly named "creative chemistry" based on my approach to figuring out sis- and trans- molecular models.

Nor because I bailed out of pre-med my junior year in college after a disasterous semester-long date with intro to physics.

Nor even because I had to work 100 times harder for C's in my biological/earth science classes than I did for A's in all my other classes.

And certainly not because my amazingly compassionate and understanding undergraduate academic advisor looked at my GPA after my sophomore year in college and said, "And, you think you're going to be able to get into med school with grades like this?!"

Seriously, had this person never heard of the freshman I'm-so-smart-I-don't-need-to-go-to-or-study-for-any-of-my-freshman-classes-and-can-stay-out-all-night-7-days-per-week-drinking-all-the-beer-I-wouldn't-touch-in-high-school syndrome?? Or at least s/he (I can't even remember what gender the advisor was!) could have been a bit more positive and suggested that perhaps I really apply myself for the next 6 semesters and if I still really wanted to take my chances with med school applications consider making applications to programs other than the highly selective top 10 schools like Johns Hopkins, Columbia, and UNC-Chapel Hill. (Duke medical school is up there on the top 10 list but I wouldn't have applied there if they'd begged me since Duke sucks. YOMV*)

Oh, and I showed that advisor anyway and went on to apply for programs that were even more competitive and selective than med school...not that I got into any of them. But that's not the point. Or maybe it is the point. Oh, who cares anyway?  (Come to think of it, I ended up getting degrees from 2 out of 3 of the above listed institutions.)

No, in the end it turns out, that none of those reasons are why I there was never any chance I would become an MD. In truth, I simply have the wrong name.

We have been at Northside Hospital for the last 5 days, which has given me the opportunity to come in contact with a variety of MDs. The current team of physicians who visit us daily includes:

Dr. Lord
Dr. Wisdom
Dr. Blass (ok, his application for med school must have slipped by unnoticed - probaably because he entered medical school prior to the initiation of the computerized application process when there was still the possiblity for over-looking certain selection criteria due to human error.This does not imply that we do not think he is a good doctor. In fact, we think he is great. But in light of his name, he must have been accepted into and received his medical degree through human error.)
2 Drs. whose names I can't even pronounce (which may be the other way you are able to become an MD, because if your name is unpronounceable with combinations of consonants and vowels that look like they should not be combined in any language, your name might actually be "Lord" or "Wisdom" or "Demi-God" and no one knows, so med schools figure better safe than sorry.)

This concludes today's lesson on appropriate career choice.

You're welcome.

* Your Opinion May Vary - and if it varies in a way that you don't think that Duke sucks, well, then you suck. No offense intended. 

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